Honoring one’s commitment

There is a difference or say distance between desire and achievement. That difference is commitment. It is important to expect from yourself and to dream for where there is no dream there is no life. But when dreams are put into action, be it in case of work,hobby,skill or relations it is important to continue the effort. There is difference between interest and commitment. Though there is a thin line but it has to be identified. A person may be interested in doing more than one thing say a child is interested in more than a single sport. But he has to decide which one he wants to take further and how. Commitment always requires a clear vision and dogged pursuit.

A person may beautifully set a balance between family,work and relations if he knows how to stay committed to each. It is important to respect it and not to fluctuate. Hurdles and difficulties will definitely arise but then where there is a will there comes out a way.

Respecting our commitments and not giving up is respecting yourself !!

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Welcoming criticism

There is always room for improvement. Improvement in terms of work, self growth or relations. Every new day is a fresh opportunity to grow. Loving oneself is important but what is more important is accepting where we lack and taking it positively. It only leads to self growth. No one is perfect. But everyone can try to be better. Those people who point out our weaknesses are actually helping us knowingly or unknowingly. They are taking us towards a new opportunity.

There have to be people who are not doing better than us in life and will definitely never skip a chance to criticize us. Either in our presence or in absence. This should be well accepted but nothing to be felt low. We cannot control what others say but we can definitely control how we react. There is no wisdom in spoiling a relationship just because of criticism if we know our self worth. Water cannot enter a boat unless it has holes in it. Negativity cannot affect us unless we give in !! Friendship and relations are things to be nurtured. Yes even walking away is important sometimes but definitely not due to criticism.

Praise is always important and it is human to expect it . We should always be thankful to them who praise us but but even more to them who are our critics !!

Learning from all

If life’s a school then experience has to be the teacher. Everyone has something or the other to learn from his experience. But wise are those who learn from others experience. Hence it is important to socialize. Developing the habit of reading is yet another thing to do. The more we read the more we learn. It is only with time that a person develops rational thinking and maturity. The more we confine ourselves to our own thought and belief we close the door to knowledge and growth. No one is always correct in the same way as no one is always wrong. It is just that he thinks differently. But what appears 6 to us may well appear 9 to someone else.

There will always be critics. There will always be people we don’t like. But even criticism is an opportunity to improve ourselves. Hence it should be taken positively.

We have the habit of cutting off from a relationship if we feel that the other person is negative about us. Here it is important to stay in touch and continue communication especially in case of relatives. We are in the relationship not for the negativity but for our personal growth. If we find something that we can work on and improve we should go for it. For the more we try to avoid relations the more lonely we become.

Something or the other can be learnt from everyone and everything. People or situations. Difficult situations come to test us but also to teach us for the future. Possessing the right attitude is important !!

From darkness to light – “Teaching”

The noblest of all professions, also the mother of all professions teaching is a boon not just providing skill but giving a way of life. Teachers have the power to influence young minds,taking them from concrete to abstract. Giving wings to their imagination as also channelizing their potentials in a constructive way.

Education is a process that goes on from cradle to grave. Every human is born with animal instinct. A teacher amends and moulds his behaviour. Social civilization and culture develop as knowledge is passed on to the next generation. Teaching and education are economic investment for a country as they increase vocational efficiency. In the words of Herbert Spencer,” education means establishment of coordination between inherent powers and outer life” According to idealists aim of individual development should be emphasized by a teacher. According to socialists a teacher eradicates the distinction between man and man. A teacher leads a person towards positive morality. Creating a synthesis between professional goals and spiritual and social uplifting , teachers are aptly called ” guiding light”

According to Gurudev Rabindranath Tagore , a teacher should identify individual differences in a child. Children’s development should be according to their own interest. According to Swami Vivekananda vocational development should be synthesised with spiritual development.

Teaching is a dynamic process and moulds itself with the changing norms of society. But it is ever aimed at bringing about holistic development.

“Education is what emancipates, teaching shows the path to it “

Vanprastha

While taking a stroll in the park last eve I passed through a group of old people relaxing and gossiping at a corner bench. An array of thoughts clouded my mind at one of the most common sights we get to see each day.

Out of the four ashrams or phases of life that we have studied in the Indian Vedas namely Brahmacharya , Grihastha , Vanprastha and Sanyas old age touches the Vanprastha ashram. This is that time of life when we retire from family life or worldly responsibility. Our Indian mythology considers this time apt to proceed towards seclusion or going to woods(Vanprastha). What actually is the idea behind this ashram? May be our culture believes that once children are grown up and settled in their life and work and when we are old,our body and mind a bit tired and worn out from life long efforts to keep the wheels of family life moving,old age is the time that we can call “ours”. This is the time when a person should proceed in search of self or true knowledge. But in the present context how relatable do we find our vedic knowledge? How true is the Vanprastha ashram?

With time and modernisation our life styles changed. As we became more scientific and rational in approach we adopted small family norms giving way to nuclear families. Urbanization and corporate lifestyle decreased our family time subsequently increasing job commitments. Leave aside the elders, we do not have time for ourselves!! And as Newton’s third law commands – “every action has an equal and opposite reaction”, our changed lifestyle and ever increasing materialistic demands gifted us with things like anxiety, depression, increased blood pressure and other lifestyle diseases. On family front they brought displeased relations, reduced communication and shrinking values. We have neither the time nor the mental set up to spend some moments with the aged.

Old age is the time when a person with decreased immunity and a worn out body is most sensitive. His psychological needs are way greater than physical ones. That’s the time when he wants people but people don’t want him. The lucky ones get a friend circle to spend evenings in corner benches of a park sharing thicks and thins. Unlucky ones get glued to TV sets or burry themselves in religious books.

Only if we could take out some time from our busy schedules to sit close to these storehouses of wisdom and experience which they have gained through out a lifetime. They could give us so much only if we listen !!

Is there a real need for a Vanprastha ?

Getting something from each moment…

Everyone has the same 24 hours of a day which he uses differently. Everyone’s energy levels vary. But with that what varies is priorities. There are three categories of people. One,who are way too satisfied with their lives and possessions and that makes them lazy and unambitious. Second category includes those who have accepted the fact that their situations can’t be further improved, there is not much they can really do about achieving more and hence they too turn a part of the day often into leisure which they say is actually rejuvenating. Then comes the third category. These are they who do not believe in leisure. They are the ones who are constantly active or busy either trying to make more possessions for themselves or stuck in some role from where they could see no free time or whatever they find seems to be negligible.

It’s a fact that material possessions are required and money is a necessity for life. Ever since a child develops understanding he looks around to find the world moving on the wheels of currencies. The whole education system and the present age competitive parents on their part leave no stone unturned to give their children the push to earn in chunks or to be more successful than others. So where’s the time for recreation? And if there is…..they must excel in that too , to boast it off on social networking sites or in community !

What we all know but seldom accept is that each one of us have some part of the day which we can call “ours” or “me time”. These are those moments when busy mothers steal some time to doze or techies find escape to sit and drink. These few moments if utilized otherwise can show us what else we are capable of. The thirst should not only be limited to material possessions but exploring ourselves. And these little explorations each day are more satisfying and more rewarding than collecting amounts and who knows they can show us another path to earn. May be this way is more contenting and enjoyable!!

Read,write,draw,create,cook, sing…..do whatever you wish to in the free moments but kindle the thirst !! It will make you a much more better person !!

You are important !!

Last time I was conversing with an acquaintance who told me that she refused to buy some stuff for her as she was a dependant and not earning. She defended her side with the logic that she supposed herself to be wise as to save. My question to her was save for whom? If the stuff was needed and the person offered to get it for you then why did you deny? You valued the saving, you valued the person’s hard earned money but did you value your need? Where else can you think you can get the stuff from? The answer may be- by earning myself. And till then forego the need! Do without it !!

People who are financial dependants say housewives face such situations daily when they forego a need or a desire just because they think that it would be too much to ask for themselves. Each time they do it they curse their dependence. They curse themselves not having the potential to fulfill their needs. Then there are some people who don’t agree to compromise. They know how to get things done and by any means- pursuation, drama or beg,borrow,steal ……by hook or by crook. Who is better?

Most of us would choose the first lot !! They who save and value someone’s earnings!! But if I say….. that I find the second lot to be better. Most would not agree with me. Will never second me. But for a while let’s consider the other side of the coin. The second lot of people who did not compromise actually have a higher self esteem, higher self worth and honour their needs. Honour themselves!! Though they are not earning or say earning less but that doesn’t hold them back from asking for what they want. May be….or say definitely their ways are wrong. I completely agree !! But then as beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder I do not find these people to be completely wrong !! No they are not ! They are the ones who value themselves !! They are not greedy but they have the guds if not the funds, to desire. And these are the people who actually amaze us with their efforts to fulfill it !!

I am not trying to support their ways. Their ways is not my point of discussion….but their will is. Their determination is. And this determination if taken positively has a lot to learn from. Now if a person lovingly asks a dependant or a less earning one to get something , be it costly,for him or her…..then his answer should be to gratefully accept the gift and to make up his mind to make every effort to repay the favor sooner or later. That’s where you are going right!! In the same way if you are asking for something which you yourself cannot afford then think of the reason why you cannot afford? Have you tried to improve your situation? Have you tried to increase your potential? Have you tried to earn the thing on your own? If you have the determination to get your desire fulfilled …..then you definitely are the person with every potential to earn it yourself !!

Why compare?

Comparison is the biggest reason of dissatisfaction. The grass will always appear greener on the other side of the fence. while in reality the grass is greener where we water it. We always envy a person who does well than us in life, or enjoys more blessings. It is human to draw comparisons. But why not draw it with someone who has less but is still satisfied. Why we never compare ourselves with the needy or the less destined one. At least we will find satisfaction. The glass can also be half full….it does not need to be half empty all the time. Life’s itself a blessing. Everyone is born barehanded and will go from here taking nothing. It is all in this span of some years that counts. The material possessions, greed, jealousy,enimity. And then we go to the mountains to spend holidays….to find some peace….to be alone. But we forget that even if we are away for sometime we will be back again to join the rat race and plan perhaps for the next vacation soon !! Because in reality what we actually want is not satisfaction of lust, or doing well from others or winning …..but peace!! But we never accept that. Or we try to find it in our achievements. And the more we achieve…the more peace we lose….the more insecurity…more fear we gain. Competition and comparison are the two pivots around which our whole life revolves !! If these two were removed ….there wouldn’t be any need of holidaying !!

Walking away so that you can walk through…

 

Many a times in life we have all tried to glue a relationship to the best of our ability. The reasons may be diverse. Either we value the person undeniably or we simply don’t want to mess up with a long lasted one. In the process the consequences we face are ineluctable. Arguments,anger,people deliberately putting you down, judging you,criticizing you. The question here is what ultimately is more important? Your inner peace or the relation? The other person?
The answer is- nothing in the world is more important than your self worth. Your inner peace. Any person,any situation trying to interfere or causing vulnerability to it is simply not worth!!
Sometimes it is better to glue your own self esteem more firmly than working on fixing the issue. It is not called ego,it is not called escapist attitude but WALKING AWAY with full dignity !!
Similarly walking away from our past mistakes and failures is crucial. Even past achievement if it is making us feel small now. All those things which poison our soul are worth walking away from. If we cannot respect ourself enough, we cannot respect anyone else!! And for respecting ourself there are two ways- either absorb all the poison without letting it affect your peace or know your worth and also know how to maintain it !!

Why relations don’t work ?

Like any other universal fact it is true that no two people will always agree on the same point nor will they behave in accordance to each others will. Differences are human. A baby will never smile seeing a camera and we have accepted it. The word ACCEPTANCE is powerful, magical and healing. Unacceptance is a product of constant comparison. Most of the time we are hurt not because of the actual situations but rather imagining what should have been ?
We have all set standards. Standards for ourselves, standards for relatives, standards for friends and even for places and things. ” He should work like this.”, ” She should treat me like this”. But this SHOULD when doesn’t become DID we are hurt !! Our castles in the air crumble!!
No one’s grass is fully green but how many are greatful for at least it’s existence? For the land not being barren !!
In a team if a leader tries to take control rather than helping the group work together and achieve its aim, is he a good leader ?
A good teacher never controls but helps the class learn. Rather than working on changing the class he works on his knowledge and teaching methods. If he is committed to his profession respect and discipline are bound to follow.
No relation ever demands athaurity or control. It is against human nature. But every relation demands compassion, acceptance and love. Respect is always earned and never commanded !!
In a family no one has the ability to keep everyone happy but all have the ability to be happy with everyone. The difference is only in one’s thinking !!
Trying to alter others behavior is but a vain endeavor. It ultimately makes your own self miffed and goes against the relation. A successful relationship never cements on impractical expectations.
Lastly, in a group of chairs, every chair has its own place. Every addition to the group demands all other chairs to shift a bit to make place. The new chair will not have to push in because if it has to, some chairs will be pushed out of the group. It is better to broaden the circle !!